Thursday, March 19, 2015

when you haven't folded clothes for two weeks...

(Hammocking with Jen, whom I begged to read to me since I left my book at home.  She sweetly obliged)

You thought you would see a picture of unfolded clothes didn't you?  Yea, well I don't feel like a picture of my clothes piled high sitting on the internet for eternity so I figured I'd surprise ya instead.  It relates though, I promise. ;)

I have had a pile of clean (yes, clean) clothes on my bed for two weeks.  Each night I crawl into my bed thinking, "ugh, I need to fold those tomorrow".

It is a rather large pile because it is now about three loads worth of clothes that were only washed so that there would be clean underwear.  I mean lets just be reeeal honest for a moment, that is the only reason most of us wash clothes on a regular basis right?

You might be thinking, "goodness how much clothes does she have that she doesn't need to wash often"?  Well, there has been lots of unnecessary digging for that shirt or those pants in this pile...

You also might be thinking, "is this all she is going to write about? unfolded clothes"?

Nope, it's not.

I just about died when one of my friends came over this weekend and started walking towards my room as she announced, "she hadn't seen my room in the handful of times she had come over and wanted to see it now".

She had arrived at my bedroom door before I could stop her. For that I am grateful.

Even though at the time I was ashamed of the cluttered surfaces, pairs of shoes scattered around and the royally huge pile of clothes on the bed I can reflect back on that memory as beautiful for a few reasons.

1) She didn't judge.  Ok, she might have a little but then quickly let it go.  (thanks Jen!)

2) I had to quickly get over myself and my quest for showing the "neat" home to people.

3) I can climb into bed with a happy, guilt free heart lying next to that pile of laundry.

Lately I have been choosing relationships and sleep over tidiness.  This may seem like a slap in the face to my desire for discipline I shared at the beginning of the year, BUT it has actually been a source of freedom.  Freedom to allow life a little flexibility in discipline.

I realize how contradictory this seems but as God takes me through a season of learning in relationships, I would much rather choose to be present in that season than hold myself to an ideal of discipline.  I believe that he is focusing his attentions of discipline for me in that place right now and I have no intention of turning my back on it.

The neat freak inside of me still cringes a bit when I walk into the clutter and the time to do something about it has almost arrived...but for now I choose to sleep a little more and reflect on the conversations that would not have been had should the clothing be tucked in its proper place.

Sometimes that which is left undone is a reflection of things that have been done.  And so that pile of laundry is a reflection of the friendships which have been given time to grow deeper.

P.S. - I'll be sharing a little bit about how the Whole30 went later this week, but first...some folding. :)

Monday, March 16, 2015

blog posts aren't just for fleshed out thoughts...

So I have been really silent here lately.  Even if you haven't noticed, I have.  Part of me was bothered and reprimanding myself for not staying consistent and the other part of me cried out for freedom to step back and not pressure myself to post for the sake of posting.

I thought I needed space to think and process my thoughts completely so that they would be their best when I typed them here, but I have a new found freedom.

Not all blog posts need to be fully fleshed out.

I am a heavy internal processor who just happens to talk-think those ideas to friends.  I am realizing that is allowed in this place too.

There is no need to have so much pressure on oneself.  If like me you are a talk-thinker, we know that much of what we think is formulated while we are saying it.

I was becoming too concerned about my posts feeling complete.  I am one who can get stuck in the rut of making all things a teachable moment.  Let's face it, we all hate being around that person.

I can promise you this much, I won't hang on to my thoughts like I have been.  We will journey through fleshing out thoughts and living life together.